Is Cassie Even A Victim?
It’s easy to see yourself as the victim in your own story. But a victim is just one character in the story, and it isn’t until you see your reflection in someone else’s story that you can come to terms with the role you actually played. And there’s a part of me that’s seeing all these articles about Cassie, all this sympathy she’s getting, and I have a hard time thinking about her as a victim. In my mind, I see her as a victimizer. And I kept wondering why it bothered me so much, and I realized—it’s because she reminds me of my mom.
For a long time, I didn’t consider my mom a victimizer. We were all trauma-bonded and I thought my mom was innocent, but my mom could’ve stopped it. She didn’t, because she was selfish. She was thinking more about herself and how it all affected her rather than his other victims—in my case, my siblings. So there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to feel bad for Cassie because, as far as I’m concerned, she knew what Diddy was doing and still got $100 million out of it. None of the other victims got that, or ever will. And while she got the bag, he was still out there… running back and forth from the baby oil store.
But that’s just my opinion off of headlines, I had that emotional reaction before I even looked into the actual details of the case. So let’s figure out if it’s safer to be in the woods with a bear or P. Diddy.
Cassie was an up-and-coming artist who met Diddy in 2005 when she signed with Bad Boy Records, and everything was going great until things got romantic in 2007.
Over the course of their relationship, Diddy allegedly had ‘complete control’ over Cassie. He isolated her, would explode in fits of rage and physical abuse, kept her drugged and under constant pressure, making her feel unable to leave or resist his demands. One specific instance in the lawsuit claims Diddy brutally beat her and kept her hidden in hotel rooms until her injuries healed. And we know this is believable because a video from 2016 surfaced showing Diddy attacking Cassie at a hotel in Los Angeles.
Cassie also stated that he would give her drugs for ‘freak offs’—ecstasy, cocaine, ketamine, GHB, and marijuana. A ‘freak off’ is basically what he called his weird sex parties, where he allegedly made Cassie perform sexual acts with others while he watched.
It was a toxic relationship where she felt emotionally broken and trapped, despite multiple attempts to leave. Then, in 2018, she finally ended things for good. But Cassie says that afterward, Diddy forced his way into her home and sexually assaulted her.
Fast forward to November 2023: Cassie sues Diddy. Less than 24 hours later, it’s settled, with both sides claiming it was to their ‘mutual satisfaction.’
Diddy’s team made it clear that the settlement didn’t mean he admitted to any wrongdoing, and Diddy continues to deny the allegations. Despite the settlement, several other women have come forward with their own accusations.
People—or just me—might’ve asked: Why didn’t she leave Diddy earlier?
Cassie’s relationship with Diddy was marked by years of alleged control, abuse, and fear. And despite all this, she reportedly found the strength to end the relationship in 2018. She began dating Alex Fine following the breakup. There were rumors that Cassie started dating Fine while still involved with Diddy, but the timeline isn’t clear. Diddy had hired Alex Fine as Cassie’s personal trainer, which may have led to the beginning of their relationship—or it could’ve started with a rom-com-esque meet-cute where the two bumped heads during a freak-off. I don’t really care.
There’s no confirmed evidence they were romantically involved before Cassie officially broke up with Diddy, but if that’s what it took to get out, who cares? Diddy is a billionaire with the ability to mess with her in ways we can’t even imagine. I feel like my home life growing up was pretty crazy, and I only ran away when I was 16 because I thought my dad was literally going to murder me. And you’d think I’d leave at 18, which I did. But starving on the street because you can’t get a job and don’t have identifying documents isn’t exactly fun. So I went back. After leaving again at 18, I didn’t have the guts to leave for good until I was 21 when I joined the Army. And even then, it wouldn’t have happened without some very supportive people in my life. Anyway, Cassie and Alex got married in 2019 and now have two children together.
Now, let’s replay this: There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to feel bad for Cassie because she knew what Diddy was doing and, as far as I was concerned, she got $100 million dollars out of it. None of the other victims got that, or will get that. And while she got the bag, he was still out there… running back and forth from the baby oil store.
But while I have that part of my brain that thinks that, I know it’s not fair, because we’re just human. Humans in tough situations do shitty things. Being in survival mode leads to selfish thinking out of self-preservation. And if I’m going to judge Cassie for how she acted, I’ve got to judge how I acted while I was living in an abusive household. And there’s a lot you could judge me for. For example, when I was 16, I lied to my father and told him my sister called me gay just to get back at her for something—just absolutely disgusting behavior that doesn’t represent who I am today.
But at that time, it was a perfect reflection of who I was as a person. I was selfish, vindictive, spiteful, and every other negative adjective you want to toss in there. And I’m not saying we should let people off the hook. No, people need to take responsibility and accountability to grow. But I know people can grow and change. And in Cassie’s case, if it wasn’t for her, Diddy might still be hosting freak-offs.
Thinking back, who am I to gatekeep victimhood? Who is anyone to do that? I’ve been through a lot of—well, tough things—and I used to think no one could relate to me. But that’s not true. The worst thing that ever happened to me probably feels the same way internally as the worst thing that ever happened to you. The dread, the anxiety, the pit in your stomach… those thoughts… and the worst part is, you don’t know if it will ever end.
All that said, I don’t think you can blame P. Diddy alone. I’d say he’s 75% to blame. That’s just a number I calculated using a highly sophisticated, butt-pulling algorithm. What’s really messed up is that everyone in Hollywood knew about it, and it was an inside joke to them.
But Hollywood is full of losers who’ve sold their souls to power. If we ignore this, these same weak-willed, self-serving narcissists will keep defending predators. They’ve already done it—Roman Polanski, Woody Allen, Kevin Spacey, etc.
If you think Diddy is the only one to blame, then diddle me this: Would he have been able to get away with it if his security called the police the first time they saw him do something crazy? You can’t tell me the other 25% of blame doesn’t go to his enablers—security, and all the people who knew but said nothing. Those people are just like us. How many of us have seen something bad and looked away? How many of us would risk the bag for someone who might not have helped us if the roles were reversed? Because look around—no one’s helping them. And it’s better to be here than where they are.
We’ve all done stuff we’re ashamed of; we’ve all acted selfishly. I’m not about to sit here and pretend like I’m better than anyone else, because I’m not. If you want to grow, you have to confront your past and make peace with it, or risk being crushed by the burden. The world is a messed-up place because we’re all messed-up people. And the world isn’t going to change until we all change. I’m starting with myself. I know I still have a long way to go. But if you’ve made it this far, I challenge you to start with yourself too.